Worst comics in history #1

Star Wars 48: The Third Law:


I've read many, many comics in my life. Therefore the amount of suckiness to pass in front of my eyes is. well, massive. I love Star Wars and I love comics... unfortunately lots of times that's not a happy marriage

This old 80s comics has to filed under the folder "If you thought the prequels were bad...".

The plot goes like pretty much like this:

Princes Leia, the droids and some count fly to, let's call it Planet Switzerland to try getting a loan to buy new X-wing space ships. See, princess Leia is on a business trip. Let me repeat this... the rebel Alliance, an underground group is trying to secure a loan, in the open, using the royal crown jewels of Alderaan as collateral... this is as bad as all the political babble in the prequels... it's downright stupid. Not the kind of Star Wars you want to read about age 7.

Just in customs they see a guy in one of those "Total Recall" x-rays machines getting gunned down by the police for trying to smuggle gold out of the planet. This guys take their customs seriously...

To make matters worse, daddy, and by that I mean Darth Vader, happens to be in Planet Switzerland too, trying to secure another loan for the Empire or some shit like that, maybe he was on a holiday. Strangely enough Vader ponces around with an entourage of 3 freaks.

In Planet Switzerland all citizens are obliged to carry firearms, although is totally forbidden for non-citizens, those are some of those 3 laws that the episode refers too.

So Vader and his minions spend long time trying to kill the viceroy or count or whatever his title is by... making the fat minion jump on top of Leia's car, using telekinesis to blow the fella away in a weapons demonstration and by turning one of henchmen into a poisonous butterfly. Butterfly guy, a Dracula lookalike, gets spotted by 3po, who happens to know shitloads about butterflies, is up to r2 to spray the bitch and princess Leia steps on the the poor fella.
Dear Vader, couldn't you just force-choke the asshole?, asked little Carlos, age 7 while reading the comic

The twist comes when Vader ambushes the guys and kills the viceroy with his lightsabre, only to discover that the viceroy is a robot. It all gets filmed by R2 and the rebels proceed to try to blackmail Vader. Because, you see, this was their plan all along, the robot was going to be discovered in customs, they were counting on vader to kill the guy once the loan was secured.

But oh, cruel destiny, Vader's plan then gets discovered.... he has stolen the Alderaan crown jewels, that was his intention since the very beginning. Darth Vader, scourge of the Jedi, the most dangerous man in the known universe, wanted to steal some jewels. This is all shades of wrong.

To add insult to injury, this was written by Larry Hama, the best Wolverine scribe ever and the man that turned G.I. Joe into an actually good comic.

In conclusion, this comic is awesomely terrible, so bad that is worth reading just once.